just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
