I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
