Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
