are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
