So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize