You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
