I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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