his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
