I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just gargled with NyQuil
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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