Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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