enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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