so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
