how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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