Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
