I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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