he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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