Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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