I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
