I am spending my child support on dildos
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
