im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
