I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
