we have officially lost it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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