im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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