How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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