Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
