hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
