and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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