He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
sarcasm needs its own font
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
