tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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