May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
