If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
