I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
