your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
