he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
