He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His nipple licking is glorious
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