I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
