I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
