so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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