The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
