I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
