I think I died a long time ago.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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