mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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