My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
