so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
