More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
