Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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