Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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