Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm bleeding and have questions
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize