hell yes lets make some ravioli
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
