It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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