Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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