The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
