dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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