I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
