physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
