he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize