i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
