He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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