woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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