The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize