you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
