Sry I called you an 8
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
