Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
