Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
