The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
