the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
