my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
