im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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