Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
