I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
