some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
