my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
