i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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