he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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