Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
