I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize