sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Panties = found
Randomize
