i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
