Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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